i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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