My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
