i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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