If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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