is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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