so that wasnt chicken after all
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
