In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize