i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
