Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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