I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
