You're my little dorito
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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