running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
