So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
