He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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