Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
