is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
