I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
