K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
