i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
