You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
