mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
