No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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