I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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