I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
