I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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