If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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