I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
