It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
