Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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