Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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