Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
