new low.... made out with someone while peeing
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
