Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
