My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize