This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
