it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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