you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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