Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
