I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
