Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
