you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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