it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize