Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
