my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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