i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
