Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
