I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
