She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
