my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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