True but thats because hes a fetus.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
