is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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