remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
