he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
