I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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