No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
