I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
being pregnant is like rehab
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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