why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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