he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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