So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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