Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
