You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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