dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
