When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
