I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
