oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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