he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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