I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you are never too drunk for berry picking
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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