Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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