I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
