had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
