Hey man sorry I got all grabby
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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