see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
