even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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