Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
