Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
