dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
