You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
