You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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