did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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