I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
