Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
