I think im going to throw up on grandma
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize