Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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