i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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