dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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