i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
