"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize