she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize