Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
