The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
