I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
