Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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